Goodbye summer (and toxic day job), hello whatever I want.

I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again – Georgia O’Keeffe

After spending way too much time figuring out how to ‘intro’ this post, flipping through end of summer woes and other cliches as if there’s an imaginary rolodex of phrases that best preface a personal update (there probably is, I’m ignoring that), I’ll cut to the chase – 

This summer, I drove (solo!) across 13 states and resigned from my job (without having another lined up).

In summary: very demure, very mindful. Brat summer, indeed.

There’s a lot more I could say but leaving a role without having another firmly lined up says a lot on its own. It was more than resigning from a job, I was resigning from the company. A company – an advertising firm – that didn’t meet the standards I have for employers, largely related to a lack of community (involvement) and culture development but compounded by an uncompromising self-managed system (‘project management structure) that’s leaking the creativity, curiosity, and problem solving that advertising is supposed to founded on, in favor of manufactured results, spurious processes, and billable timesheets. 

In a 20 person organization, I wasn’t the first associate to leave this year (and the year isn’t over yet). I wasn’t the first female to resign or leave the company (this year), I was the fourth (in a row) in a male-owned agency. I wasn’t the first woman to resign from her male boss, I was the second (same boss!). If you value, or at least entertain, correlational data there’s a story (or two) to tell there, but it’s not one that’s said out loud.

As someone who values leadership, accountability, trust, and a good process (+ community, a good culture, per above), the amount of day-to-day cognitive dissonance it took to ‘play the game’ at this agency outweighed the benefits of the job. There are stark contrasts between the implication and the execution of leadership, diversity, culture, and innovation that go beyond the generational barrier dividing ownership from emerging talent.

So much to unpack, and I will, as it fits. Later.

Anywho,

It was a good summer, nonetheless. I put somewhere around 5,000 miles on my car, Betty White (rip to the real one). I saw my youngest sister graduate. I tried almost every local bakery or ice cream shop I saw. I went on my first unplugged family vacation in years. I took six dogs on evening walks, and pet so many more. I had a skin biopsy to remove a precancerous mole (mild dysplasia) from the back of my knee, my most dramatic location to date. Stayed up until morning debating philosophies and life riddles (look into KOANs, if you want a taste) with cousins chosen as friends. I said yes to swimming with my nieces instead of typing an email. Said yes to holding the baby, for an hour, for two, because it’s more important than a meeting of the same length about background colors in a one-off graphic or feigned sincerity. Said yes to whatever I felt was best, needed, in that moment.

This summer, I said yes to myself. Yes, I should… like my job, feel like it matters, do work that matters, work with people that care about shit that matters, work for a company that I’m proud of.  Even in this economy. Right?

I said yes to jumping, knowing the net will follow (fingers crossed!). I’m not sure where this professional sabbatical will take me but it’s much better than staying a rock in a hard, toxic place. I might have to lean on the nicknames I’ve earned along the way, like Think Tank mogul or creative energizer bunny, but I’m very excited to dive back into writing, hobbying, feeding curiosity, traveling, experiencing…. and creating some really cool things with clients I like working with (and make an impact for).

Talk soon, xx
Cailey